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How to Talk to Someone with Depression

If you aren’t struggling with depression, sometimes it is difficult to know what to say(or not to say) to someone going through depression. What you want to say may sound great in your head and have the best intentions, but it doesn’t always come across how you hoped when you say it to the person struggling. I decided to research some advice for how to talk to someone with depression. Everyone is different, so while some people may find certain things helpful, others may feel the opposite. I recommend making sure you use your best judgment and have the best intentions when trying to comfort someone with depression.

Let’s start with what NOT to say to someone with depression.

  1. Cheer Up – Cheering up is the ultimate goal when someone is depressed, but have someone tell you to cheer up is not helpful. Telling someone to cheer up makes it seem easy and simplifies the feelings that come with depression.
  2. It’s Not That Bad or It Could Be Worse – Pain is very subjective and relative. What is small for you could be huge for someone else. Don’t minimize someone else’s feelings.
  3. It’s All In Your Head – Having someone tell you that it’s all in your head can feel like an attack. It feels like someone is telling you that you are making things up. People don’t choose to have depression.

Now that you know what you shouldn’t say to someone with depression, here are some things that may be helpful for someone with depression to hear.

  1. I’m Here When You Are Ready To Talk – Not everyone with depression is ready to talk, but it is always nice to know someone is there when you are ready.
  2. How Can I Help – Everyone is different, so it is nice to ask what will help your friend with depression. What is helpful for one person may not be helpful for another.
  3. You Are Not Alone – The reminder that someone is there for you and that others are going through a similar experience is a good reminder. If you are going through depression as well you can share your experience with them, but keep the focus on them.

The sources below have some other helpful tips for what to say and not to say to someone with depression.

https://www.verywellmind.com/worst-things-to-say-to-someone-who-is-depressed-1066982

https://www.healthline.com/health/what-to-say-to-someone-with-depression#what-to-say

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How to Talk to Someone with Anxiety

If you aren’t going through anxiety, sometimes it is difficult to know what to say(or not to say) to someone going through anxiety. What you want to say may sound great in your head and have the best intentions, but it doesn’t always come across how you hoped when you say it to the person struggling. I decided to research some advice for how to talk to someone with anxiety. Everyone is different, so while some people may find certain things helpful, others may feel the opposite. I recommend making sure you use your best judgment and have the best intentions when trying to comfort someone with anxiety.

I wanted to start with what you should NOT say before I talk about helpful things to say.

  1. Calm Down – When you have anxiety your goal is to calm down. Someone telling you to calm down isn’t helpful. This phrase can be annoying because the person trying to help doesn’t get how difficult calming down can be.
  2. It’s Not a Big Deal – Telling someone with anxiety that what they are panicking about is not a big deal is pretty much telling them that their feelings are not a big deal. To that person with anxiety their feelings ARE a big deal.
  3. I Know How You Feel – Telling someone you know how they feel in the midst of a panic attack is like a competition. Yeah, it may be nice to know you are not alone, but save the shared experiences for when the panic attack is done.
  4. Have you tried…? – This one makes me the angriest. Everyone is different so what works for one person may not work for another. I’ve always suffered with acne and when people would suggest what I should do it always made me mad because I had already tried what they were suggesting. What works for one person doesn’t always work for others.

Now that I’ve talked about what not to say, I will talk about things that you can say that may be helpful. Again, they may not be helpful for everyone, but they are probably going to be more helpful than the phrases above.

  1. I’m Always Here For You – Even if you may not understand what someone is going through, it is nice to show that you are there for them. Sometimes it can help to just listen without judgment.
  2. What Can I Do To Help You – It’s best to just come out and ask what will be helpful because everyone is so different. As I mentioned above, what works for one person probably won’t work for the next. This phrase also shows that you are taking their anxiety seriously.
  3. I Notice You’ve Been Anxious A Lot And I Am Concerned – This phrase can be very helpful as long as you come from the right place. Mention what you have noticed and offer your support. It’s nice to know you are noticed and that others feel concern for you.

The sources below have more helpful tips about what to say and not say to someone with anxiety:

https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/anxiety-disorders/9-things-not-to-say-to-someone-with-anxiety

https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/mental-health/what-say-and-not-say-someone-anxiety#:~:text=Instead%20say%3A%20%E2%80%9CI’m,time%20opening%20up%20about%20it.

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Importance of Vision board

When looking to become successful it is important to have a vision for what success means to you. Success means something different to everyone. It can be big things like having a million followers on Instagram or it can be little things like reaching your goal weight. Whatever it is, you need to have a picture in your head.

I find it helpful to have a vision board. It helps me picture what I want. I have big abstract goals on there and I have specific goals on there. I change it every once in a while to reflect new goals and visions. Recently I started creating another vision board dedicated to my fitness goals specifically. I reflect on my vision board every night before bed.

I think vision boards are great because they remind you what you are working for. They remind you why you are putting in all of this hard work and what will come at the end of all of this. Recently I’ve been having a tough time in my journey, and just looking at my vision board has helped me get back on track and focused on where I want to go.

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A day in my life

I start the day by getting out of bed around 6am and think about positive thoughts. Positivity helps me get in the right mindset to start my day. Next I review my list of goals that I want to focus on everyday. Then I make my bed and clean the litter box. I find that if I make a habit out of these tasks I am more likely to stick to them, so I complete these everyday whether it’s the weekend or a weekday. After I make my bed and clean the litter box, I workout. Typically I allow myself 1-2 days a week to be a rest day. I don’t like to plan the rest day in advance because it’s typically happens naturally with my schedule on the weekends. Next, around 7am I shower and get ready for work. Before work I eat breakfast and get my snacks ready for the day. If I have time I might work on blogging or relax before I need to leave for work. I typically leave for work around 8:30 and get home around 5:30.

At work my day to day tasks vary. What’s typically constant is that I will have a snack around 10:30, eat lunch at 12, then another snack around 2:30 and leave at 5.

When I get home from work I start making dinner and typically eat around 6. I’ll typically take about half an hour to myself then work on blogging, reading, cooking, meal planning, or posting clothes for sale on Mercari.

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Don’t Take on Too Much

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I drank too much, ate way too much, and I was not productive at all. It made me realize that I am being too hard on myself. Yes, having goals and a to do list are important, but it’s also important to not have too much to do.

I am going to take today and tomorrow to alter my plans and really think about how I want to proceed. I am hoping that by having a less strict plan I will be less hard on myself and won’t break as easily. I will share what I come up with.

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Turn your Bad Habits into Good Habits

I recently read Rachel Hollis’s book “Girl, Stop Apologizing” and was so inspired. If you haven’t read it yet, I definitely recommend it! It was something that really helped inspire me to keep pushing towards my goal to grow this blog. One concept that I wanted to explore was building habits. Follow along as I share her 3 parts of a habit and how to train yourself to turn bad habits into good habits.

The first step in a habit is the “Cue”. The “Cue” is what causes you to take action. It is something that signals a certain learned behavior. It could be an emotion or an outside stimulus. Hollis used anxiety as an example. The cue can either cause you to make a good decision or bad decision. We tend to eventually choose the same action each time, which is where the habit is born. Turning a bad choice into a good choice comes from what action you take after you are cued.

The next step in a habit is the “Action”. The “Action” is your behavioral reaction to an emotion or outside stimulus. Hollis used binge eating as an example. I think her example is the reason I felt so connected to this definition of habit. Binge eating has become an action that I take for quite a few cues. This journey I am on has taught me that I have the power to change my actions.

The final step in a habit is the “Reward”. The “Reward” is what you get from the action. It is what makes you perform that behavior every time without even thinking. In Hollis’s example, the reward was feeling happier after binge eating. The problem with that reward to the bad choice was that it was temporary. She had anxiety, so she binge ate and felt better, then she had anxiety because she binge ate so she binge ate again. Her changed action was exercising instead of binge eating. Both actions resulted in the same reward, but the reward for exercise lasted longer than the reward for binge eating.

You can read this and move on, or you can read this and use it to change your life.

I challenge you to think about a bad habit you have and break it down. What cue is causing a bad habit to form. How can you turn that bad habit into a good habit. What reward will you get from the different actions taken to the same cue? Comment below!

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Don’t Let Negativity From Others Get You Down

Since starting this journey I’ve realized that I tend to focus on others instead of myself. Previously I have talked about the fact that I react negatively to others when I should take a deep breath and react in a positive way. If that person responds positively to my  positivity then clearly I was the issue. Not letting others negativity get you down is very similar. If someone is ranting negatively about something, remember that you are in control of how you react. I’ve realized that I need to focus on myself instead of letting their negativity get into my head.

I recently started thinking about this topic because my coworker tends to talk very negatively at work. She talks negatively about her life, our bosses, coworkers, everything going on with Covid-19, and so on. I used to let the negativity get to me. I would get really stressed and then I would internalize that stress. I felt like I needed to respond to her negativity with positive and kind words, even though she shot down all of the kindness and positivity I was offering. Eventually I realized no matter what I say these are her issues. I don’t need to respond and offer my opinion and advice, because that isn’t what she is looking for from me. All I can do is offer a polite attitude while she is venting.

When listening to negative thoughts from others, how you should react is dependent on the thoughts. I am going to break down negative thoughts by others into two categories. First, negative thoughts that have nothing to do with you. These are things like someone talking about how much they hate their life or something their friend said. These thoughts have nothing to do with you. In these cases all you can and should do is offer kindness, but don’t offer an opinion or advice. It is none of your business unless they ask for your opinion or advice. Don’t let their negativity get you down because their negativity is not affecting you, so there is no point in internalizing your stress about their negativity.

Second, negative thoughts that do have something to do with you. These are things that even though they may not directly affect you in the way the other person is talking, the topic may have implications that could affect you. First, it is important to take a deep breath. Typically other’s negativity is not directly affecting you, but if the topic may affect you, you need to deal with it in a more positive way.

The first thing to think about is whether you have control over whatever may affect you. For example, my coworker was venting over Covid-19. Do I have control over Covid-19? No. Do I have control over the actions I take to prevent myself from getting Covid-19? Yes. If you focus on things you can’t control you will drive yourself crazy with worry. Focus on doing your best to prevent possible negative situations. That is all you can do.

Whenever you are faced with any type of negativity you need to take a deep breath. Ask yourself whether this negativity affects you or whether it has nothing to do with you. If it has nothing to do with you, offer a kind attitude and hold off on offering an opinion or advice unless asked for it. If the negativity may affect you, ask whether you can control it. If you can, then do just that. If you can’t, focus on doing the best you can and control what you can control.

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I am in control of my life and it’s an amazing realization

Recently I came to the realization that I am in control of my actions. I have realized that I can make any changes to my life that I want. All I need to do is follow through. If I don’t want to binge I can tell myself not to binge. My mind needs to work on being stronger than my actions.

Now that I’ve come to the realization that I am in control of my life and I can use that control to make changes in my life, I need to actually go forward and do that. Below I am going to talk about 3 goals of mine, how I can reach those goals, and how I am going to use the control I have over my actions to get to those goals.

Three goals I am working on right now are drinking less wine, drinking more water, and reading more. When working on goals it is important to have a specific goal. If you don’t know exactly what you are reaching for you won’t know how to get there. I want to cut down the amount of wine I drink to 1 glass per day. I want to get through at least 70 oz of water per day. I want to finish 1 book per week

These goals are very simple. They require a lot of willpower and require changes in my thoughts to accomplish. For the amount of wine I drink I need to think about when I am going to drink that wine. Typically once I have 1 glass of wine I continue to drink wine throughout the day. If I wait until right before bed it will help keep me at just 1 glass per day. I have mentioned in another post that it is important to enjoy the moment. I am going to see this glass of wine as a chance to sit down and relax. Cutting down on wine may actually help me increase my water intake. I typically have wine with my dinner, so if I am not drinking wine it opens up more time to drink water. I will keep track of how much water I drink per day and make sure I complete my goal of drinking 70 oz per day. Finally, I will need to add more reading time to my schedule. I typically read a chapter or less per day, but I really want to increase that so I can continue learning more to share with you! I will need to break down the book into 7 parts and read 1 per day.

While these goals seem simple, they are going to be difficult for me. They are going to show me just how much control I have over my actions. I need to take control and really focus on what I want to accomplish. If I do that, I can accomplish anything!

What are your goals and how are you going to take control of your life to reach those goals?

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Enjoy your food

I‘ve realized that when I eat, I eat very quickly. Before I’ve even finished chewing the first bite I am already shoving the next bite of food into my mouth. Coming to this realization has made me ask myself: Why am I in a hurry? It’s OK to eat quickly if I have a limited time to eat the food. Most of the time, however, I am not in a hurry when I am eating. So why do I do this? I think it comes from when I was a child. My dad would always finish his meal really quickly, so I wanted to be just like him and finish my meal quickly. I also feel like I don’t want to burden others by eating too slowly. Why should they have to wait for me to finish my meal?. With this journey I am learning that I should focus on myself. I don’t need to eat quickly to make sure I am not a burden to others.

Another thing I realized about my eating is that I eat like I’m never going to eat again. A lot of times I will eat sweets when I am not even hungry. I think I do this because I have a big fear of missing out. If I don’t eat that ice cream or that cookie I will never have an indulgence again. What is going to happen if I don’t get to try that food? Nothing. A lot of times when I am eating out with people, even if it’s at a place that I probably will never go back to again, I like to try the food of the people I’m out with. Even if it’s a basic burger or mashed potatoes, I still want to try it. I am working on focusing on what I am eating in the moment. It would be different if I plan on going back to that place and want to try what they had next time, but most of the time that’s not the case.

If I’m shoveling food into my mouth at a quick pace, how am I supposed to even taste it. My initial thought on this is that I eat that quickly because if I eat fast enough I won’t have any time to stop myself. However, what’s the point of eating that quickly if I can’t even taste the food that should be giving me happiness. I have been thinking about the fact that I tend to punish myself. I was watching a show about eating disorders and they made the statement that people with eating disorders don’t treat themselves because they are punishing their bodies. I realized I don’t like to just sit around and relax or pamper myself so I wonder if I am punishing myself. I am still trying to figure out why I am punishing myself. There is no need to punish myself. Food should nourish me and indulgences should be tasted and enjoyed.

I’ve noticed that when I eat more slowly and take time to really enjoy the food I am less likely to reach for more. The slower I eat the food, the more I have time to enjoy it. I will get the same enjoyment from eating a big bite of cookie as I will from eating a small bite of cookie. So if I have more bites of a cookie because they are smaller, I am less likely to reach for a second cookie to enjoy. I have time to think about what I am eating and the enjoyment it is giving me and don’t feel the need to keep eating.

When I eat too fast I tend to eat more than I am hungry for. My food doesn’t have the time to get to my stomach and fill my stomach up if I eat it too fast. So by the time I am full I have eaten more than what I would have if I would have eaten slowly. Because of this, I feel sick because my stomach is overfilled. One of the Pure Barre instructors was talking about thinking about how you feel after you eat. I know that by eating past the point of full I do not feel good after. So that means I need to slow down my eating so I don’t eat past the point of full.

Do you struggle to slow down and enjoy your food? Comment below!

Plan For Your Goals

When setting goals for yourself it is important to have a plan for how you will achieve these goals. Depending on where you look there are different types of goals, but they all boil down to pretty much the same. There are process goals which are goals to do a certain action. For example, I have a goal to workout daily. There are performance goals which are goals to achieve a certain standard. For example I have a goal to strengthen my arms to the point I can make it through a full workout without modifying my arm movements. Finally, there are outcome goals which are goals based on winning. For example I have the goal to inspire others by sharing my progress.

Process goals are completely controllable by me. Performance goals are mostly controllable by me. Outcome goals are controlled by outside influences. If you couldn’t tell from my examples above, these 3 types of goals build on each other go accomplish the outcome goal. When setting goals, it is important to set SMART goals and make a plan to achieve them.

SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Based. Be specific with your goals so you know exactly what you want to accomplish. Determine how you will measure your goal so you know when you’ve achieved it. Make sure your goals are within your abilities to reach. Is your goal relevant to your objectives? Set deadlines for your goals and determine frequency for specific objectives.

I encourage you to take this article as motivation to write down a plan for your goals. I would love to hear about them and offer any motivation I can to help you achieve your goals.

Sources:

Goal-Setting

Lonely vs Alone

For the last several days I have not spent much time at night. Instead I have been spending time with other people. While spending time with other people I felt the need to just have a minute to relax at home, but when I have been at home I have really wanted to be out with people. I think I am starting to get down to the root of why being alone makes me feel lonely.

First, I would like to state the difference between lonely and alone. Lonely is the feeling of being sad because you are alone. So while lonely and alone may seem the same, being alone does not always mean that you are lonely.

So why do I think I am lonely when I am alone? I believe that I feel the need for validation from others when I am alone, but because I am alone I am not able to get that. So ultimately, I think I would prefer to be relaxing alone, but my mind tells me I want to be with other people because I am craving that validation.

Why do I feel the need for validation? I think I seek this validation because I do not like myself. According to an article from Ilene Strauss on www.psychologytoday.com, this need for external validation can be overcome by becoming confident in who you are and by becoming the person you want to be. I am going to try to accomplish this by evaluating my choices and asking if they reflect who I want to be. I am also going to work on becoming more confident with myself by reflecting on the things I like about myself.

I came to the realizations above by journaling to try to find the root cause of my issues. I highly encourage you to take up journaling to really go deep with your thoughts and get down to the bottom of why you may feel the way you do.

Thanks for reading and I hope this helped you as much as it helped me to write it!

Positive Psychology

The “founder” of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, defines positive psychology as “the scientific study of optimal human functioning that aims to discover and promote the factors that allow individuals and communities to thrive.” Before positive psychology was started, most psychological studies were focused on the negative aspects of life. Because of the focus on negativity, there was a gap that needed to be filled. Martin Seligman found that when people focus on their strengths it can greatly impact the quality of their life for the better.

Seligman came up with the Theory of Well-being that describes the elements needed for a flourishing life. Each of these elements contribute to well-being, are pursued by people for their own sake, and are measured and defined independently from the other elements. The five elements are:

  1. Positive emotions
  2. Engagement
  3. Relationships
  4. Meaning
  5. Accomplishments

Positive Emotions

Positive emotions are believed to build our physical, intellectual, and social abilities. With the broadened abilities we become more creative and develop more skills and resources.

Engagement

Engagement is all about finding flow. Flow is the experience of being completely absorbed by a task that slightly exceeds our skill level and requires us to stretch ourselves to a new level.

Relationships

We have an inherent need to connect with others. High quality relationships seem to be something that set happier people apart.

Meaning

To develop a deeper sense of well-being, it is important to focus on doing stuff that has meaning to you. Focus on your values when doing stuff. Focusing on stuff that is bigger than ourselves offers a deeper sense of satisfaction.

Accomplishments

People who focus on achieving goals seem to have a better sense of well-being than those that seem to lack direction with their life.

Sources:

https://positivepsychology.com/positive-psychology-theory/

Gratitude and Positive Psychology

Since I have started thinking about what I am grateful for, I have become a happier person overall. When you think about how grateful you are for what you have now instead of about how much you want other things, then you will realize that your life isn’t so bad. The grass is always greener on the other side. Someone gave me the example of a guy having a $300,000 house but he was unhappy with that house because he wanted a $500,000 house. Instead of enjoying the house he has and being grateful for it, he is unhappy because he doesn’t have something else. There was nothing wrong with the house he was currently living in. He was just always looking for the next best thing instead of living in the moment and enjoying what he had already.

The practice of gratitude is a big part of positive psychology. Positive psychology is the study of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with a focus on building the good instead of repairing the bad. It focuses on positive experiences, traits, states, and institutions. One of those states is gratitude. I will try to share more about positive psychology in another post, but the rest of this post will focus on the intersection of gratitude and positive psychology.

According to Dr. Robert Emmons, there are two stages of gratitude in the study of positive psychology. The first stage is acknowledging the good in your life. This stage is thinking about everything that makes your life worth living. The next stage of gratitude is acknowledging that not all sources are from us. There are other people, places, or things that we have no control over that we can be great full for.

Gratitude works because it is an act done with no expectations of return. It affects two different processes: catharsis and reciprocity. Catharsis is the process in which you release strong emotions. By using gratitude when being cathartic you feel more satisfied than if you were to cry or scream as a way to release the emotions. Reciprocity is the exchanging of actions. For example, when you feel grateful to someone for something they did for you, you are more likely to reciprocate and do something nice for them.

In conclusion, gratitude has a way of not only affecting your mental well-being, but it can also affect those that are on the receiving end. I challenge you to turn negative emotions into gratitude and see how that changes your mindset. Be grateful for what you have everyday and I promise you that you will love your life even more.

Sources:

https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-positive-psychology-definition/

https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/

Meditation

Recently, a friend introduced me to meditation. He suggested that it would be helpful, but I was very skeptical. After a couple days of hearing about the benefits, I decided to give it a try. I figured the only thing I had to lose was a few minutes of my time. I downloaded the Simple Habit app and found a guided meditation for stress. After a ten minute meditation I felt relaxed and positive. I was able to use the technique from the meditation later in the day to relieve my stress. I realized I had so many misconceptions about what meditation was and those misconceptions kept me from trying something that has helped so many people. Throughout this post I will be talking about what meditation is, how to meditate, and why it is helpful. I hope this post helps you as much as it helped me.

What is Meditation?

Meditation is a simple practice that focuses on improving awareness, attention, and compassion. One form of meditation is mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness focuses on paying attention in an intentional way to develop awareness. It involves on different points in the body like breath, sounds, sensations, and visual objects. Being aware of different points of your body can help you pay more attention to your thoughts and see them without judgment. Meditation is about stepping outside your mind and seeing your emotions as an outside observer.

How to Meditate.

I like to use guided meditation apps like Calm, Simple Habit, or Headspace. They are a great place to start meditating. Guided meditation helps bring the thoughts in your head to a specific focus. It guides you through visualizations to help focus your mind for a specific purpose. There are stress reduction meditations, meditations for anxiety, and many more different types. A lot of guided meditations offer multi day programs that slowly work towards a goal.

You can also do meditation on your own. Start by sitting in a quiet space with no distractions. Next, find a comfortable position where you can let go of the tension in your body. Next, find a breathing rhythm and focus only on breathing in and out. It is also helpful to focus on each part of your body individually. Focus on each sensation felt by each part of your body. Focus on your breathing or the sensations of your body until your mind begins to wander. Acknowledge the thoughts that are distracting you then go back to focusing on your breathing and the sensations of your body. A wandering mind is a necessary part of the process of meditation. Meditation is also about training your mind to focus by turning your thoughts back to the breathing and sensations.

Benefits of Meditation.

There’s no doubt that if you put in the work with meditation you will see the benefits, but a lot of the evidence is study based. Even so, many healthcare professionals still strongly recommend meditation for a variety of reasons. One benefit is improved sleep quality. Meditation is believed to address the issues affecting us during the day which in turn improves our ability to fall asleep. Another benefit of meditation is decrease in depression and anxiety symptoms. Meditation gives you techniques to help decrease the symptoms of depression and anxiety as they arise. Another benefit of meditation is increased brain function. Studies have shown that mindfulness meditation can have an affect on the gray matter in the brain. The changes in the brain’s makeup can in turn improve cognitive functions like learning and emotional functions.

In conclusion…Meditation is a great way to improve your mental health. If you put in the work and try meditating a little bit each day I promise you will see an impact.

Sources:

https://www.insider.com/what-is-meditation

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/balanced/201907/meditation-and-mental-health

It’s Time

Today I have finally had time to take a moment, or a few, to myself. I feel so refreshed after allowing myself moments to relax and watch a movie. I am feeling ready to get back on track with this blog and really start putting in more time and effort. I have had a lot of ups and a lot of downs over the last couple of months and I am ready to start having more ups than downs over the upcoming weeks. I know there may still be downs, but that is OK. I just need to focus on taking moments to myself and regrouping.

Stay tuned for more frequent posts. I am looking to get to a clearer understanding of myself. I am hoping that my journey to a healthier place can help you find a healthier place!

Find your passion

I’ve realized something what really helped me get to a happier place was finding something I am passionate about. That would be wellness and blogging. I need to spend time focusing on this passion instead of sitting around bored and making bad decisions. Finding my passion will also help with my dependency issues. If I have something to focus on I won’t be so focused on being dependent on someone else for my happiness.

Coming to this realization feels so good. I have a therapy session this weekend and I am very excited to learn ways to cope with my dependency issues. I’m working on being honest and taking things one day at a time. All that matters is that I am moving towards a more positive direction.

Be Happy for Yourself

I always hear that you are the only person that can make yourself happy. I used to ignore that and think someone else can make me happy. What I realized is that others are not in control of my happiness, I am in control of my happiness. Yes, others may help increase my happiness, but I am the one that is in control. If I am happy because of someone else then that happiness will disappear with that person. It is ok to live for others, but you need to make sure you don’t forget about yourself.

I find myself lost right now. I need to focus on being happy by myself. I need to focus on being my own person. Nobody wants to be with someone that is completely reliant on them. I’m also beginning to realize how much this journey needs to be for me. It’s great for others to be proud of me, but I am not trying to impress anyone, I’m trying to impress myself. Wish me luck!

Define Your Own Worth

I am sitting here upset. I am trying to remain positive. I went out with a guy and it went really well. I texted him about 2 hours ago and still haven’t received anything back. I am trying to remain positive because in reality he is probably busy. However, what if he isn’t? I don’t think he would be the type of guy to just stop texting with no explanation, but I don’t know him all that well.

It’s a few weeks later and turns out he was just busy. Even though he texted me I still shouldn’t let him not texting me define my happiness or my worth. If he doesn’t like me I shouldn’t be upset that he wasn’t texting me. If he was ghosting me then I definitely shouldn’t care because he doesn’t define my worth. If he doesn’t like me that doesn’t mean nobody likes me. If he doesn’t like me then that doesn’t mean I have no reason to be happy. Happiness should come from within, not from a guy liking me.

I have been working on loving myself lately and it has been a great feeling. I feel more confident and happy. I am focusing on things that make me happy, not people. I am working on getting to a healthier place mentally, but it will definitely take time. The only way to get there is to focus on myself and put in the work. I am worth all the work!

Progress Leads to Progress

I used to be ruled by food. Every thought revolved around my next meal and what time I could eat it. I thought this would never go away no matter how hard I work. Today, I realized that it has gone away. I haven’t planned meals in weeks. Today I actually almost forgot that I needed to eat lunch. Food has become a way to nurture my body. It is no longer my emotional crutch. When I realized this I was so excited that I started crying. It’s hard to imagine positive changes with bad habits that have followed you for years.

This excitement over progress has showed me that if I put into the work and keeping making progress then I am going to continue being happy and I am going to continue making huge process. Take my progress with something I never thought would EVER change and use it as inspiration to make changes in your life. Is there something big you want to do? As long as you put in the work and make little changes over the time I know that you can do it! I am going to continue this great mood all day(hopefully) and continue working towards making more progress!