I started Lexapro a couple months ago to help get my anxiety and depression under control. When I started it I didn’t think of my moodiness as an issue. I just thought it was normal. I knew the medication had helped with my anxiety and depression, but when I spent time with my family for the first time since I started the medication, I realized just how much it helped my reactions to others. My medication helped me realize that I react negatively to other’s actions even though their intentions weren’t negative. I also realize I need to react less negatively to jokes that aren’t meant to be negative.
Before I started medication, my family and I would tend to argue. I always thought that the fighting was a result of their actions. What I realized was that I was my own problem. They weren’t to blame for all of the arguments, I was. They would say something and I would react negatively, then they would react negatively to my negativity. I have realized that I was just unhappy with my own life. Because I was unhappy I expressed that unhappiness by reacting negatively to their actions. I have become happier with my life and have realized I need to think about their intentions before I just automatically react in a negative way.
You can’t go through life blaming others for your own issues. Others may do or say things, but you control how you react. My mom and I almost always argue about something when we are together. I was speaking to a therapist and I decided to talk about my relationship without my mom. I told her I wanted to work on not arguing with my mom as much. She helped me realize that the issues aren’t with my mom, they are with me.
The first issue with my actions towards my mom is that I try to focus on changing her instead of changing my actions towards her. She does stuff that annoys me, so I tell her she should be doing things differently. Instead, I should be doing things differently. I should be focusing on my reactions to what she is doing that annoys me. If she wants to change herself then that is for her to work on.
The second issue with my actions towards my mom is that I tend to try to control her. Because I don’t like what she is doing, I think that she should change because I tell her to. I think this issue comes from my desire for more control over my life. I need to realize that the control needs to be over my life and not somebody else’s. Growing up my parents held a lot of control over me. I think that is why I am desiring to have so much control now.
I learned that what I interpret as toxic behavior from others is really their reaction to my toxic reaction to their behaviors. Don’t get me wrong, there are toxic people out there, but I need to really focus on seeing the difference. All I can control is how I react to others behaviors. If I react in a calm and rational manner, and they react negatively then I know that I don’t need to keep them in my life. I like to focus on intention, so if their intention is bad I don’t want to surround myself with them.
To conclude, when thinking about your problems it is important to focus on yourself. Focus on what YOU did to cause your problems. If you go through life blaming others for your problems, you will never take the actions necessary to make sure you don’t continue having those problems.