Below is a very raw and emotional post…
For years I have always felt like nobody notices me. Every time I’ve thought about doing negative things like going overboard with healthy eating or have had depressing thoughts, I have felt all alone with nobody to share with. My sister shared that she does notice. She told me that she has worried about me for a while. My sister told me she has cried about being worried about me. I always assume she doesn’t think about me much, but hearing what she told me has given me a new sense of purpose. Sometimes just knowing people care really helps with depression. Knowing I am not alone is a great feeling. I am somebody that is part of this world. I matter to someone.
I have always struggled with negative thoughts. Whether they be about my body or whether they be about not wanting to be alive. I am constantly stressed about eating too much or making unhealthy choices and getting fat. I worry that I will go overboard with these thoughts someday. I used to want to go overboard just to get them to notice me and I worry that is still what I am trying to do. Why won’t more people pay attention or care that I may be harming myself?
Maybe I need to focus on loving myself enough to not let myself get to that point. I always hear that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. I think I am getting close to that point of loving myself so hopefully I find someone to love me soon. I believe there are plenty of reasons to love me!
